THE VOWS COLUMN
As I mentioned earlier, after I went public with my diagnosis, breast cancer victims/veterans came out of the woodwork. From them I learned that this network or sorority of ours provides the unsolicited service of comfort and the passing on of information to newly diagnosed sisters. As our wedding approached I decided to become even more public with my story in an effort to inspire other cancer victims and chemo patients to get on with their lives as best as they possibly could. So, we contacted the New York Times, who shared our story in the Sunday Vows column.
(to view the column, please click here)
The feature ran on July 2, 2006, and words cannot describe the outpouring of support and thanks I received. I heard from old friends (try second grade best friend) and made new ones. Many of my new friends were also in treatment and we formed an informal support group. I got a card from a farmer in Wisconsin and former fellow colleagues. I felt like a celebrity in breast cancer circles, even being "sighted" and recognized in the oncologist’s office. I donated my wedding dress to Brides Against Breast Cancer, which sells new and "slightly" used (only worn once!) bridal gowns to raise money for terminally ill cancer patients. The young woman who bought my dress may be profiled in an upcoming bridal story in People magazine. It is never too late to become a poster child, or Dream Girl, I found out.
My chemotherapy is now ten months behind me, and I attended a LGFB session a few weeks back to do some cheerleading. Dr. Oratz told me it takes about a year for the chemo to wear off and for your body to repair itself. It has been a long hard road but I feel better every day. Hair and energy have returned, and my husband keeps saying to me, "Uh oh...she’s back!"
Thank You, Look Good...Feel Better for helping me become a confident, radiant, bride; and to continue, throughout my treatment, to live and work in the land of the healthy!
(to view the column, please click here)
The feature ran on July 2, 2006, and words cannot describe the outpouring of support and thanks I received. I heard from old friends (try second grade best friend) and made new ones. Many of my new friends were also in treatment and we formed an informal support group. I got a card from a farmer in Wisconsin and former fellow colleagues. I felt like a celebrity in breast cancer circles, even being "sighted" and recognized in the oncologist’s office. I donated my wedding dress to Brides Against Breast Cancer, which sells new and "slightly" used (only worn once!) bridal gowns to raise money for terminally ill cancer patients. The young woman who bought my dress may be profiled in an upcoming bridal story in People magazine. It is never too late to become a poster child, or Dream Girl, I found out.
My chemotherapy is now ten months behind me, and I attended a LGFB session a few weeks back to do some cheerleading. Dr. Oratz told me it takes about a year for the chemo to wear off and for your body to repair itself. It has been a long hard road but I feel better every day. Hair and energy have returned, and my husband keeps saying to me, "Uh oh...she’s back!"
Thank You, Look Good...Feel Better for helping me become a confident, radiant, bride; and to continue, throughout my treatment, to live and work in the land of the healthy!
3 Comments:
When my mom first told me that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, I was more than devastated. I didn't know much about the disease, but I knew it could be deadly...basically, I couldn't imagine what living without her would be like, let alone watching her suffer. When my mom finally found out that the cancer hadn't spread, it was a relief, but I knew that there were still bumps in the road ahead. Obstacles aside, I was thankful just to know that she was going to get through this. And I made a point of letting her know that I would be by her side as much as I possibly could.
Having said that, my mom told my brother and me about her cancer diagnosis less than one week before I was supposed to leave the country for a Spring Break trip with my friends. I was extremely hesitant to leave her; it felt wrong to go on vacation while she was going through such intense medical procedures. But my mom insisted that I go, and that she would be upset if I didn't. I don't mention this to show how nice of a person she is (even though it's true!): it demonstrates her strength and confidence. She knew that she was going to get through this, and she tried her hardest to keep her life and the lives of her family members as normal as possible. I was by my mom's bedside when she woke up from the mastectomy, and the next day I was on a plane to the Carribean. I called her every day, and was amazed by her constant resillience and high spirit.
It was painful for me to watch my mom go through the treatment process because I didn't want her to feel discomfort. She lost a noticable amount of weight because of the chemo, and she was often in pain and very tired. I tried my hardest to maintain composure, and to be happy, helpful, and considerate. It definitely made me sad and anxious a good deal of the time, but I tried to offset that anxiety by helping her feel better in any way that I could. She called me her nurse! I figured that the last thing that she needed was for me to be depressed because of her condition, so even when it was really hard, I tried my hardest to stay positive. As time went on and a routine emerged, it became easier to cope with the situation. (And of course, pleasant distractions like the wedding were always helpful in that regard!)
I still don't think my mom realizes how well she dealt with the physical changes that confronted her from chemotherapy. I remember the first day that she came home with her wig on; I'm pretty sure she expected me to say something, but to be perfectly honest, I forgot. She looked completely natural, and I couldn't tell that she was wearing a wig! My friends always commented to me about how well she looked when they were over at my house, and I was extremely impressed with the attention to detail that she took in making herself look healthy. I am sure it played an important part in her recovery to know that she could still look good even though she wasn't necessarily feeling her best.
Keeping a sense of humor was a major part of what kept my mom (and me, and the rest of my family) sane during her treatment process. Of course, cancer is a very serious disease; but my mom has taught me that you're only as sick as you feel, and if you keep telling yourself that you're happy and well and upbeat, you'll actually BECOME all of those things (as she's demonstrated) rather quickly.
I have learned so much from this experience, but I think that most importantly I now love and respect my mother more than anyone else in the world. The fact that she could live through this, laugh about it, AND wake up to go to work in the morning made me look up to her in awe. I don't think that many people, myself included, would have the willpower to go on with her life like she has done. Furthermore, I cherish my time with my mom infinitely more than I did before she got breast cancer. That's not to say that I didn't love her before; but when my mom's wellbeing was put on the line, it made me realize how much she means to me, and that I don't know what I would do if she weren't around tomorrow. So even though I know that her treatment is over and she is doing fine, our relationship will still mean the world to me. She is the greatest trooper I have ever seen!
Jayne,
I just finished reading your 2007 Dream Girl diary and the comments your daughter made, and thought to myself -- I need to get in contact with this lady. I too am a Breast Cancer survivor and I am approaching my 5 year survivor mark in October of this year (2007)!! In reading your dairy, there are so many things that I can relate to. I hated going out in public while I was going through my Chemo treatments - I just didn't look and feel myself, but there was no getting around going to the store - so me and my daughter (whom was 8 years old at the time) decided to play a game as we shopped. We counted the number of people who stared at me as I passed by within a 30 minute time period. Fifteen people turned and stared as I passed by!!!! It was amazing -- and I wasn't even showing off my bald head. To say the least I was a little scary with no eyelashes or eyebrows. But it made the shopping experience a little more lighthearted for my daughter and I. One day a friend of mine referred me to a program that her mother had just attended at the local hospital. It was called "Look Good Feel Better". I was a changed women after attending the "Look Good Feel Better" session here in the Denver area -- The wonderful volunteer cosmetologists taught me how to apply makeup to my eyes and eyebrows so it looked as if I had these features again!!! What a wonderful session I attended. That 2 hours made me feel like my old self again!!
Even though it's been almost 4 years since my initial LGFB session -- I can still remember the warm feeling I felt while sitting there with 11 other women who were going through much of the same trials that I was - trying to get through chemotherapy and radiation. There was this feeling of comradory that I just can't describe --- It was the medication that I needed and it didn't come in an IV or pill form --- it came through laughter, tears, and love. All I can say is now I work as a volunteer LGFB Coordinator here in the Denver area so that I can help other ladies feel at ease and better about themselves and their appearance. What an uplifting and gratifying experience it has been in my life to help other cancer patients get through this difficult time in their lives.
In reading the comments that your daughter made, I can feel the love and concern that she felt for you as you were going through treatment. It's sad to say that sometimes it takes a trial in our life to realize the importance of family. I can tell that you and your daughter have a very special relationship that was only strengthened more through your cancer experience. It's amazing to me how each member of your family reacts to this trial. I have 3 children - 2 son's and a daughter and each one of them reacted differently to my cancer. My oldest son felt as if he had to take up the slack and help Dad with whatever needed to be done around the house -- he also took on the responsibility of being chauffer for his brother and sister. My 2nd son reacted differently -- he kept everything inside of him and we didn't realize how he really felt about mom and cancer until we had a parent teacher conference at his middle school and they were very concerned about his grades -- he went from an A/B student to a D student within a short period of time - we explained to the teachers what was going on at home - and this enlightened his teachers on how to proceed with giving him a little more hands on love and attention. Now my only daughter -- she was the nuturing one -- even at 8 years old. She would come home from school and climb up in bed with me and watch TV or just sit, cuddle, and talk with me for hours -- it's just what the doctor ordered. Now I can't forget my loving, sensitive husband who attended every chemo session with me and even tried on numerous wigs in the chemo room to try and cheer up some of the regulars there with me!!! And let me tell you -- it worked!!! I couldn't ask for a more supportive and loving soulmate -- I will be indebted in him forever.
I truly admire you for your strength, courage and perserverance (not to mention your sense of humor) that you potrayed as you went through your treatments -- You continued to work full-time at "Seventeen", planned a wedding, and kept a family going. Other cancer patients will read your diary and receive hope and inspiration through your experience. I have learned over the past couple of years that we have now become part of an elite support group. Cancer survivors have this undescribable bond -- one that I will cherish for a lifetime.
It would be an honor to someday speak with you and compare notes.
May you and your family continue to enjoy "Life to it's fullest". Wishing you good health and happiness.
Darla Humrich
2003 Dream Girl
Darla,
How wonderful to hear from you! I think we were both incredibly blessed to have great support from our families to get through this challenging time. And to both be chosen as a "Dream Girl"/spokesperson for LGFB...I can't think of a better way to inspire others to get involved with this great organization. I do hope we can share our stories, I have heard wonderful things from Lisa and Louanne about you!
Jayne
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